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by by Dr. Kevin Polk
Life is all about the goals we set and how we spend our time on those goals. Marriage is a really big goal. We often speak of getting married as a goal itself, which is true, but we all know the real work on the goal starts after the vows are stated. The vows are goals that you need to spend time on in the marriage. Most vows include something to do with "I will love and cherish." This vow should probably also read, "and I will spend time showing you how I love and cherish you." Most of us have the 'Love and Cherish' part down; it's the showing part that we forget. Take time to learn how to show your love.
Since showing your spouse that you love and cherish him or her is a very, very important thing to do, it is worthy of putting it into your daily schedule. It will keep your marriage vibrant. Never mind about the "it won't be spontaneous" argument. You can schedule and remind yourself to show that you care AND be spontaneous at other times. Just choose a time of day that you know you can talk to your spouse. Then remind yourself to say some nice things at that time. Maybe you can put something unusual out on the table to remind you, or even set an alarm to go off at that time, just find a way to remind yourself to do it.
Now that you have scheduled time to show that you care you will need some things to say. Sit down by yourself with a pen and paper and write down the reasons that you liked your spouse when you were courting. What did you find attractive? What did you find sexy? Just write down the things about him or her that made you feel good and made you want to be with this person for the rest of your life. We all just love hearing this stuff over and over again.
So now you have the time set aside, reminders in place, and some things to say. Now go ahead and say them! Don't worry about your spouse asking what you are up to. Just say you read this article and you have been spending at least five minutes a day remembering the reasons you fell in love with him or her, and how those things still apply now. Tell your spouse how you plan to show your love every day at this time. Chances are he or she will think this is a great way for you to spend your time.
About the author:
Dr. Polk is a clinical psychologist who specializes in finding creative solutions. Everyone is raving about his free lessons in Creative Problem Solving. Sign up today: http://www.timedoctor.com
Copyright 1999, Dr. Kevin Polk. All Rights Reserved. Reprinted with permission.
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